Stay Away

Producer #1: Ok, we need a movie to fill our release schedule out in March 2004.

Producer #2: Hmm, we should target teens… how about a horror movie!?

Producer #1: Sounds good. We should be able to throw one of those together in six months. But we need a hook… how about a demonic web site that kills you if you go to it?! That’s edgy, and kids like edgy. Plus they use the web!

Producer #2: Hmm, yeah, but we’re already remaking Pulse during that time, and it’s got web sites in it. And we sort of lost money with Feardotcom.

Producer #1: Oh, yeah, I don’t know what happened there. What else to kids like these days?

Producer #2: VIDEO GAMES!! All the kids play ’em. They are addicted, it’s the new heroin for kids.

Producer #1: Video games? You mean like Space Invaders?

Producer #2: Yeah, but now they are more advanced and very violent. Some even have nudity!!

Producer #1: Ok, that sounds perfect. It’ll be a double whammy: a horror film with teens about teens playing video games, which teens love. They won’t be able to resist! We’ll make money hand over fist!

Producer #2: Ok, so just so we’re clear, they play a video game and then get killed, right?

Producer #1: Right. Get a writer on that. Also, we need at least one shower scene.

Producer #2: I’m on it.

If you don’t know what I am talking about, try watching the Stay Alive trailer, or, if you can stomach it, check out the first scene. I guess I am glad that games are becoming more visible to general society, but it’s fairly painful to watch Hollywood make such blatant asses of themselves while trying to make movies for gamers.

4 thoughts on “Stay Away

  1. I ended up seeing the trailer before Underworld :Evolution. I couldn’t help but feel mocked some how.

    AHHH. So true. I was terribly annoyed by the trailer… but I feel like watching the movie just so I will be able to right a horribly, scathing review of it! Oh wait- I’ll get a bootleg or something. I don’t want to support this utter Hollywood drivel by ACTUALLY going to the theater!

  3. This idea sounds like a TV show in the UK a while back, which involved some guy planning the perfect murder on a 4 CD’s worth of game (yeah, it was that old!). He ends up getting a perfect score then has the ability to put a person’s likeness on the victim. Then that person suddenly dies. Then he freaks out and tries to figure out who the real killer is…

    It was gawd awful. Can’t remember the name, but it had so many stereotypical students in it. It turned out it was some guy with some advanced modem that did it…Improbable and awful.

  4. I saw a preview for this movie on TV last night.
    I predict it is several miles beyond awful.
    Considering the money the average user of this
    site is spending on videogames and videogame
    stuff we aren’t getting a lot of respect…

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